Vegetarian: the only food defined by what it's not.
What is it about vegetarian cooking that makes omnivores shudder? Could it be the high fibre base, or perhaps the perceived lack of flavour? Could it be the endless dishes of rice-stuffed "things", or the idea that a plate of beans is considered a "meal"? Or could it be the preachy fucks who come part and parcel with the cuisine itself?
Now, despite my bacon-lust and appreciation, nay, adorement, for a juicy chunk of roasted animal, I have a confession to make. For many years, many many years... I was a vegetarian. And... oh gosh, I can't believe I'm going to admit this ON THE INTERNET, for many of those years, many many many of those years... I was a vegan.
"Oh, that explains a lot," I hear you say.
Strangely, about the only thing which I took away from those years of cooking without animal products was an appreciation for how good food can be when it's done well, regardless of its ingredient content. By and large, vegetarian and vegan food is shitty. But thankfully, two food suppliers shaped my ideas of what meatless cookery should be like. Firstly, my dad: who didn't kick me out of my family's Northern Territory home when I announced that I was no longer consuming flesh and associated by-products. Instead, he looked upon it as a challenge to whip up dishes that were tasty, healthy and acceptable to all and sundry rather than just the fussy, whiney, sullen teen skulling cooking wine in the corner. And secondly, the Hare Krishnas: yes, I know they're a cult, but their restaurants and recipe books really do deliver some excellent dishes, proving that not everyone who runs around in an orange robe is a complete waste of space.
Perhaps the worst perpatrators of BAD vegetarian cookery are the writers of vegetarian cookbooks (HK's excepted as above, boarding school kitchens excepted as in previous posts). Oh lordy, what on earth do they think they're playing at? Topping some boiled (BOILED!) vegetables with a lemon wedge and some sliced almonds IS NOT A MEAL, PEOPLE. I think perhaps the biggest problem that exists in the vegetarian / carnivore divide is the fact that vegetarian cookery proponents seem to think that every meal which traditionally contains meat is also off limits to vegetarians. I disagree with the idea that you can't use vegetables and legumes as a substitute for meat in cooking, I disagree that they have some holy status which requires them to be "untainted" by the very stuff that makes food good! Nowhere is this as apparent as in vegan cookbooks, and when the vegetarian cookbooks TRY to use vegetables as a substitute they fail dismally. A fitting example: the vegetarian moussaka recipe in one of my cookbooks suggests topping the pile of insipid, unflavoured legumes and tomatoes with plain yoghurt instead of bechemel before baking.
Nuh uh, girlfriend. That's not how I roll.
So, driven by the desire to make something that could be whipped up before I went out and then put in the oven when I got home to finish it off, I was forced to concoct my own recipe, which wasn't that hard, and tastes a helluva lot better than some baked yoghurt and dry lentils.
1/2 cup of dry chick peas, soaked for at least four hours then boiled until tender and drained (you could use canned but I think canned legumes are a waste of money and kinda creepy with that gooey stuff they put around them in the tin)
1/2 cup dried brown lentils
2 tbsp olive oil
One brown onion, diced
Two cloves of garlic, diced
One 400g tin of tomatoes, smashed up a bit with a knife blade
3 fresh tomatoes, chopped
1 zucchini, chopped
1/2 a red capsicum, chopped
1/2 a green capsicum, chopped
1 large eggplant, cut into thick slices
A couple of sprigs of fresh herbs - I used thyme, majoram and oregano, or use dried. Whatevz.
Tabasco (optional)
Salt & pepper
3 tablespoons of butter
4 tablespoons of flour
500mL / 2 cups milk
2/3 cup grated parmesan or kealograviera cheese
* See note at end for cowjuice free joy.
Method
1. Rinse the lentils then put them in a saucepan on the stove and simmer for about twenty minutes or until tender.
2. Heat the olive oil over a medium heat in a large wok / high sided frypan. Add the onion and fry for a couple of minutes until it begins to turn golden. Add the garlic and cook for another couple of minutes. Add the tomatoes, zucchini, mushrooms, capsicum, chick peas, herbs, salt and pepper and Tabasco to taste if using. Allow to simmer for around half an hour until the veggies are tender.
3. Meanwhile, cut the eggplant into thick slices and salt. Allow to sit for about twenty minutes, then rinse and grill with some olive oil under a medium - high heat until slightly browned, then turn and do the same on the other side. Remove from grill and set aside.
4. Add the lentils to the veggie mix and stand, covered while you make the sauce.
5. Microwave the milk in a heat proof jug for two minutes on high. Melt the butter in a saucepan, then add the flour and cook for a couple of minutes until it goes foamy. Add the milk all in one go, then whisk to combine with the flour / butter mixture. Continue to stir over a medium heat for a couple of minutes until the sauce thickens. Add half the cheese and salt and pepper to taste. Remove from heat.
6. To assemble: place a layer of veggie mix in the bottom of an oven proof casserole / baking dish. Top with a layer of grilled eggplant. Add another layer of veggies, another layer of eggplant, then pour the sauce over it and sprinkle the remaining cheese on top. You could also sprinkle a bit of nutmeg over the cheese if you were feeling creative. (Can be prepared ahead up to this point: cover with cling wrap and put in the fridge until you get home from the pub.)
7. Bake in a 180 degree oven for about half an hour, or until the sauce and cheese are light brown.
8. Serve with a green salad, a bottle of cabernet shiraz or NZ sauvignon blanc, and thick slices of ciabatta; scoff at the fact that vegetarian cookery writers are eating boiled beans with soy sauce for dinner.
* To make this a vegan dish, simply switch the butter for a vegan spread / olive oil; the cow milk for soy ; and the cheese for a vegan substitute product of choice (see here for a list of suppliers and don't say I never look out for you hippies).
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